Title: The Secret Life of FoxnDana4Ever Author: Alelou Feedback: Welcomed at Alelou123@aol.com Rating: PG-13 for language Category: H, fanfic fic Spoilers: nope Disclaimer: Don't think I need one for this. Distribution: Help yourself. Gossamer okay. Summary: Shocking fanfic fantasies revealed! Author's Notes: Any resemblance you find to "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty" by James Thurber is a great compliment to me, since I was too lazy to look it up and read it again. And as God is my witness, any resemblance between the made-up characters in this fanfic and anybody out there in our little cyberworld is strictly coincidental. Let's just say that I wildly exaggerated my own worst tendencies, okay? Any real name dropping is done in loving homage. Many thanks to Rachel and Jamie for being the test audience. Mindy chewed her fingernail and tried to figure out what would be the appropriate ending. After all, they had both already confessed their eternal love for each other. Mulder had saved Scully from the evil stalking serial killer who'd wanted to add her to his list of pretty red- haired victims. Mulder had been hurt and even intubated, but he'd pulled through, just barely. After a fifteen-paragraph recovery spent primarily on Scully's couch, he'd finally declared his love, and they had moved on to eight paragraphs of passionate sex, during which each had shyly admitted that they liked being called by their first names every once in awhile. In short, she'd touched on all her favorite themes. Still, something seemed to be missing. Should she go for broke with a marriage proposal? She had been hoping to save that for the sequel. "Mindy, do you have that status report ready?" "Um, coming right up, Judy." Damn, time had a way of flying when she was working on a new piece. Thank God Judy never seemed to notice Mindy's independent projects. Mindy worked fairly steadily at her real job most of the time, but she was occasionally so inspired by her latest idea that she couldn't keep herself on task. Judy drafted her own reports, but she was a bad speller and so clueless about the finer points of Word that she could never get her tables to line up properly. This was one thing Mindy had down pat, so it took her no time at all to run spellcheck, delete a few egregious tab stops, and whip those tables into shape. Then it was back to her story, in between opening Judy's mail. Then it came to her -- the real X-Files often ended on a dark note. Why not park the CSM outside, smoking, of course, staring up at Scully's bedroom window with a look of -- something. Dark menace? Tortured ambivalence? Amused malice? Yes, yes, amused malice. Amused malice went so very well with cigarette smoking. Why, it was brilliant! Excited to have the end in mind, Mindy raced home and spent hours drafting and editing. xxx Later that night the phone woke her from a sound sleep. "Is this Mindy?" the voice on the other end said. It sounded somehow familiar. "Can I help you?" What time was it, she wondered, struggling awake. "Perhaps. My name is Chris Carter. I produce the X- Files --" "Chris CARTER?" Mindy asked, astonished. "Um, yeah, Chris Carter. So are you Mindy?" "Yes, but how do you know --" "Oh, well, you did register for X-Props, remember? So we matched your name to your e-mail and we were finally able to track you down. We've been trying for awhile, you know." Uh-oh. She was in trouble now. "So I was wondering if you could give us some help." "You mean you're not calling to tell me to cease and desist?" she squeaked. "Well, no, Mindy, though I'm sure the lawyers would like me to. You see, we're not supposed to admit we ever read fan fiction. And honestly, I really am just too busy to read most of it. But your stories kept coming up in casual conversation around the set, you know, so I looked up all three of them. And I must say, I'm quite impressed." "Wow. Really?" "You give a really beautiful feminine sensibility to the whole Mulder-Scully dynamic -- something we've come to realize we've been missing. It's kinda soft, kinda romantic, the hearts and flowers routine, you know? Boy meets girl." "Well, um, I guess so," Mindy said, modestly. "I'm just finishing another one, actually." "That's excellent. So, Mindy, we'd like to fly you out, see how you fit in with the writing staff. Maybe you could partner up with one or two of the guys, help them out with that woman's point of view stuff. Help us keep the audience happy, you know?" "But I thought Mulder wasn't really going to be around much this season." "Well, I'm not at liberty to discuss that right now. But we really need you." "Wow," Mindy breathed. "That would be really cool. But, like, I think I'd have to ask my boss-- " "Honey?" Was that her mother? Mindy blinked in the blinding sunlight streaming in from her bedroom window. "You don't have work today?" Oh shit. Judy hated it when she was late. xxx Work seemed more tedious than usual. Mindy yawned deeply and thought she might have been better off if she hadn't remembered her dream about Chris Carter. Of course, how silly could she be? Like that would ever happen. "Excuse me, are you Mindy?" She looked up and gasped. David Duchovny looked inquiringly back down at her. "Somebody told me Mindy sat somewhere around here," he said. "David Duchovny?" she asked, disbelieving. God, he was really tall. And dressed in her favorite Mulder combination: black jeans, grey t-shirt, leather jacket. "Yep, that's me. So are you Mindy, or what?" "Yes, I'm Mindy." "Great! As you may know, I've recently found myself with some extra time on my hands, so I wanted to come thank you for those terrific stories you write." "Really? My stories?" "Speaking as one writer to another, I really admire your take on the relationship. In fact -- and I know Gillian agrees with me on this, by the way -- you have given both of us some amazing insights into Scully and Mulder and how very, very, very deeply they love each other." "Gillian reads my stories too?" "Oh hell, we all read them. They're up on a bulletin board outside Chris's office, you know. He highlights his favorite passages. Just don't tell him I said so, okay?" Mindy felt faint. He looked around and lowered his voice. "I'm not sure I should tell you this, but reading your stories has helped Gillian and me to reconnect with each other in some very fundamental ways. We're getting along just great now. In fact, I'm so anxious to work with her again, I've asked Chris if I can come back early. But keep that to yourself, okay?" "Gosh, that's really great," Mindy said. "Yeah," he agreed. "But how did you find me?" she asked. "Oh, you mean you thought X-Props was just for publicity?" he laughed. Mindy smiled, embarrassed. "And you came all the way to Hackensack, New Jersey?" "Well, I was just in New York -- and you know limo drivers will go anywhere you tell them to, right?" "Oh, yeah, I guess so." "Mindy!" Mindy jumped. "Where's my limo to the airport? It was supposed to be here ten minutes ago." Oh crap! "Judy, I'm so sorry ^" I completely forgot. I'll call right now." "I'm disappointed, Mindy." Mindy cringed. "I'm sorry, Judy, it won't happen again." Judy peered at her. "Is everything okay? You don't seem to have your mind on your work lately." xxx That night, Mindy ran spellcheck and agonized over the title and her author's notes, which she felt were never sufficiently cute and modest and charming, no matter how much effort she put into them. It was also a little depressing that she couldn't thank an entire roster of famous authors for their superb beta work, but she made sure to thank her erstwhile proofreader and number one fan LuvMeDavid1013. (LuvMe was known to get a little snippy if she felt Mindy shorted her in any way in her acknowledgments.) After posting to her favorite eighteen mailing lists, Mindy yawned and wondered what she should do next. Maybe get some sleep so she wasn't an idiot at work the next day? Or check to see if her story had made it to Ephemeral yet? She had nodded off at her desk when AOL chirpily informed her she had mail. "Oh my God, 53 feedback messages in less than an hour!" she shrieked. The first message was from Sparky, telling her that her story was so moving, Sparky had decided to reopen the Doghouse for one week only just to recommend it. The next was a similar message from Chronicle X. A number of current archives chimed in with archive requests. Amy at the Haven wrote and asked her if she would mind an enthusiastic recommendation on her What's New page. Autumn T. told her she wanted to install her stories permanently in the new Chapel of Undying Literary Honor they were building at the Abbey. Three people wrote just to offer to build a web site for FoxnDana4Evr, and one person asked her if she would please join her in creating a mailing list that would be a special haven for fans who thought Fox and Dana Really Ought to Call Each Other By Their Christian Names on Special Occasions. Everytime Mindy thought she had caught up, more mail had arrived. All the Yes Virginians wrote to tell her they were really impressed and wanted to give her their secret password. Scott Miller wrote her to tell her that her story was so popular it was creating bandwidth problems at Ephemeral and could she please warn him next time. Kipler posted a message congratulating her on her excellent grammar. Perhaps most heartwarmingly of all, LuvMeDavid1013 wrote and thanked her for the nicest acknowledgment she had ever received. Mindy had often wondered how on earth any author could find it difficult to reply promptly to feedback, but she now had so much that she was worried it would take her at least a week to catch up. She was particularly gratified when she got to an e-mail from the office of the Attorney General. "Janet Reno was so impressed with your profile of an Evil Serial Murderer of Red-Headed Women that she would like to hire you as a consulting criminologist," it read. "That's assuming it won't interrupt your progress on upcoming fanfic. Naturally, we'll need to keep both Ms. Reno's and your involvement in X-Files fan activities strictly confidential." "Naturally," Mindy mumbled. God, this was almost getting scary. "What did you say, dear?" "Wha?" Mindy asked. Oh, gross. She'd fallen asleep at her desk in a puddle of drool. "Oh, hi, Mom. Sorry I woke you up." Damn, she knew it was too good to be true. "Oh, you didn't wake me, darling. It was this phone call from California." "What?" "Some man calling for you, Chris Somebody." "You're kidding! For real? I thought that was a dream." Her mother smiled sweetly and held out the phone. "Hello?" Mindy asked. "Mindy, it's Chris Carter." "Hi, Mr. Carter," Mindy said shyly. "Mindy, I'd like to make you a really serious offer." "Really?" "Here it is: BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA." Fuck. Mindy rolled over and hit the alarm off. She really needed to find another hobby. THE END