Authors: The Oral Fixations (oral_fixations@my-deja.com Rating: R Category: MSR, H (possibly) Spoilers: As if... Summary: A little spot of bother in a tight situation Archive: Spread us around with wild abandon Disclaimer: Not ours. Bastard CC has them and STILL doesn't know what to do with them. Fox and 1013 are milking every red cent out of them. We just love them, and we know they would be happier with us. Authors notes: We write crummy fic and we're proud of it. Bite us ;-) We want to be loved and cherished so please send feedback or we'll be very upset. oral_fixations@my-deja.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LOCKED Secret rendezvous Luxurious hotel room Away from prying ears Late evening 'Oh my god Mulder, that was...' 'Intense?' 'I think you could say that, hmmmm' (Afterglowy pause) 'OK Mulder, you can get off me now...' 'No' 'You're heavy, come on' 'I can't' 'Don't play around Mulder, get off me' 'No really - I can't... I, er, that is - ' 'What?' 'I can't seem to ... er.. withdraw' 'You're kidding' 'We seem to be - locked' 'Don't even joke about it - Ow! What the hell are you doing?' 'Trying to disengage' 'Well don't do that, it hurts!' 'Jeez Scully, it wasn't a picnic for me, either' 'Look, you're going to have to move, I can't breathe' 'Maybe it would be easier if we turned on our sides' (rustle of sheets) 'Shit... OK, maybe it wouldn't' 'At least I can breathe' (pause) 'Have you got any lube, Scully?' (eyebrow) 'Yeah, I always carry a tube of KY in my pocket - You never know when you're going to have one of those 'dry' moments.' 'Ha. If it wasn't beginning to hurt so much, I'd laugh' (pause) 'Scully, you still have half that tuna mayo sandwich left...' 'NO!' 'But mayo is made with oil...' 'Mulder, I am NOT smearing tuna mayo on my... down there' 'Down there? Isn't there a medical term for that?' 'Shut up, Mulder' 'Well, what the hell happened, Scully? I feel like I've caught my dick in a mouse trap.' 'Penis, Mulder... It's called a penis' (annoyed pause) 'Well at least I put a name to it. A dick is a lot more specific and descriptive than 'down there'... Ow! Scully!' 'I can't help it!' 'But it hurts!' 'I KNOW!' (pause) 'Mulder, get up.' 'Oh, you're funny...' 'No, I mean it, get up. We can try the shower.' 'I don't know...' 'Do you want to be free or not?' 'ok...' 'You'll have to carry me' 'What?' 'Look, like it or not, you're going to have to carry me. We may be the same height lying down, but there is no way I'm going to be able to put my feet on the floor like this' 'But the bathroom's waaayy over there' 'You trying to tell me something, Mulder?' 'Huh? Hell, no! But picking you up and carrying you is one thing - trying to stand up and pick you up at the same time is another... Plus there is the pain factor -' 'Which I am feeling too, you know...' 'OK... Which means you're not going to be able to give me any help' 'Mulder will you just DO it?' (sound of creaking knees, muttered expletives and lots of grimacing) 'Scully? Can you flip the light switch?' 'Well don't drop me then' 'Wouldn't dream of it,.. you have something of mine that I'm very attached to' 'Hold still !' 'Well hurry up then, my arms are getting tired' 'Are you saying that I'm fat?' 'NO! Jesus! Just get the light so that we can sort this out' (click) 'Ok. I gotta sit down for a minute' (slumps on toilet seat) 'This isn't going to happen, Scully. There is no way I am going to be able to get both of us into that bathtub, let alone hold you upright while we have a shower. I think we should call someone...' 'NO!' 'So we just go around like this? I've heard about us being joined at the hip, but this is ridiculous' 'Maybe we could just wait awhile, maybe it'll loosen up' 'Ah, another valid medical opinion from Dr Scully...' 'Mulder, shut the hell up if you don't have anything constructive to add to the conversation' 'I could call the guys...' 'What?!' 'Call the guys and see if they could get us something to help' 'I know what would help, Mulder, but I don't have my bag and there is no way am I going to the ER like this' 'So I call the guys and ask them to get you what you need and bring it here. Nice and neat and no-one need know' 'Apart from the three stooges.' (strained silence) 'Scully, we need help. Admit it' 'I hate this' 'I know, but I don't think we have any choice. Let me call them. Please' (nod of resignation) '..Alright' (Dials number) 'Hey Frohike, it's me - turn off the tape...' The End. For now. Heh heh...