TITLE: MANLY, MANLY MEN

AUTHOR: DAVID HEARNE

CLASSIFICATION: Post-ep for "Three Words," Doggett/Mulder...ha, ha,
made you look!

RATING: PG-13

SPOILERS: Three Words, Leonard Betts, Medusa, The Gift

PERMISSION TO ARCHIVE: Yes.

Send feedback to ottercrk@sover.net

Website is located at http://members.dencity.com/hearne

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"I come in peace," Fox Mulder said.

John Doggett stood in the doorway of his house, evaluating the man
before him. The time was almost nine P.M.

"And I bring this offering." Mulder held up a six-pack of beer.

Doggett kept still for one more moment, then stepped aside. Mulder
entered the house and walked into Doggett's living room. He laid the
six-pack on a low table, then detached two cans.

"So..." Doggett said after closing the front door and walking after
his visitor.

Mulder tossed Doggett a can. The other FBI agent caught it.

"Hope you like that brand."

Doggett shrugged. "When you get down to it...every canned beer tastes
like wet newspaper."

Mulder nodded. The two men looked at each other with unopened cans in
their hands.

Then Mulder said, "I guess...first of all, I should apologize."

"Are you going to?"

"Yes. Yes, I am." Mulder paused, then said, "I'm sorry I misjudged
you."

Doggett looked down at the can and rolled it slightly in his hand.
"Well...there's a fair amount of that going around." Doggett looked
back at Mulder. "And I don't blame you. After what you've been
through...after being gone for so long...then you come back and find
this guy you don't know in your spot..."

"Scully trusts you. That means I should trust you."

"Scully's trust for me almost got you killed."

"You're new to the game, Agent Doggett. The people we're playing
against know the rules, have loaded the dice, and hold an
inexhaustible number of 'Get Out of Jail Free' cards."

"I'm no babe in the woods. I've seen my share of internal politics and
backstabbing."

"Not like this. Neither did Scully or myself ever see anything like it
before we started on the X-Files."

Doggett took a breath, then said, "So what now?"

"Well...we got beer. Why don't we drink it?"

Doggett pondered that idea, then said, "Okay."

So they popped the cans open.

And they drank.

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And then they drank some more.

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And when they exhausted Mulder's six-pack, they found more to drink in
Doggett's fridge.

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"No, I'm serious. This guy could grow back his own head..."

"Get the hell out of here."

"You said you read the case files."

"Yeah, but I still don't believe it."

"Oh, Christ. Don't tell me I have to go through this again."

"Go through what?"

"It took me seven years to break in Scully. I can't waste any time
with you."

Doggett laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"I'm gonna tell Scully you said that. About breaking her in."

Mulder's face tightened with worry. "Oh, man, don't tell her..."

"Wellllll..."

"Please don't. Please."

"Okay. But that's two you owe me now."

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"...and then there was the something or other down in the subway
tunnels. Some kind of tiny sea creature which feeds on sweat. I forget
exactly."

"Sounds like the standard mysteries."

"If you say so."

"How did Scully do? I mean, how did she approach these cases?"

"Agent Mulder, I have no idea how to evaluate her approach. I've got
no context at all. However...she's been brave, resourceful, and
willing to work despite everything. I'm glad to have her as a
partner."

"Then I trained her well." Mulder covered his face. "Oh, no."

"That's three."

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"I still don't get it. What's this chad thing again?"

"Okay. I'll explain it one more time..."

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Mulder and Doggett were staring at the television with glassy eyes.
Mulder laid on the coach and Doggett sat on the floor with his back
against the low table. Empty bottles and cans were littered around
them along with depleted potato chip bags. A movie starring Roddy
Piper had the men's hazy attention. The clock went past midnight.

During a fight scene, Doggett slowly turned his head to Mulder. "Do
you remember anything?"

"Huh?"

"About...the time."

"You mean...the time I was..."

"Yeah."

Mulder's chest rose and fell with a large breath. "I wish I could tell
you something. I really could. But I don't remember a thing. Of
course, I've had experiences..."

"I remember something."

"Excuse me?"

Doggett lifted a bottle to his lips, then noticed that it was empty.

"What did you say?" Mulder asked.

"I...I had my own...experience. With death."

"You don't say."

"It was in Squamash."

Mulder shifted uncomfortably on the couch.

"I know you were there. I know what happened. Kersh doesn't."

"Well...good." Mulder cleared his throat. "So what happened to you?"

"Long story short...I got shot. Next thing you know, I'm in this cave.
And the soul-eater is dead."

"He took on your death..." Mulder whispered.

"Yeah. Looks like it."

"That's what he wanted, you know. He wanted to die."

"I'm aware of that."

For a few moments, the only sound was Roddy Piper's voice.

"You said you remember something..." Mulder said.

"Hm."

"What was it?"

Doggett didn't respond.

"Doggett?"

"I saw..."

"Yes?"

"Barbara Streisand."

Mulder's eyes twitched. "Barbara Streisand?"

"Yep."

"But she's not dead."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well, you're only supposed to see dead people in the afterlife."

"Who says so? And who says that's where I was?"

Mulder considered that point, then asked, "Was Barbara Streisand doing
anything?"

"She was eating a bowl of corn flakes."

Mulder picked up a pillow and hurled it at the other agent's head.
"Hey!" Doggett exclaimed.

"Don't fool around with me."

"I'm not!"

"You come back from the dead and tell me..."

"Look, that's just what I remember, okay? Take it or leave it."

Another action sequence started on the television. After a few punches
and gunshots, Mulder said, "In any case...here we are."

Doggett smiled and lifted his bottle. "To life."

Mulder lifted his bottle. "Salud."

The two men refocused their attention on the movie. A few seconds
later, Mulder began to hum "Evergreen." Doggett joined in.

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When someone knocked on the door, Doggett hauled himself to a vertical
position and staggered over to the front hallway. He looked through
the window.

"Uh-oh," he said.

"What is it?" Mulder muttered as he watched "Gymkata" from the couch.

Doggett opened the door. Scully entered.

Mulder turned and saw her. He grinned. "Busted."

Scully looked between the two men, then concentrated on Mulder. She
walked into the living room. Doggett leaned against the doorway
between the living room and the hall.

"I called your apartment," Scully said. "You weren't there. I got
worried and went looking for you."

"Why did you call me?" Mulder struggled his way up to a sitting
position. "Is something wrong?"

"No. I just...I just wanted to talk."

"Oh. Sorry I wasn't in."

"Actually I wanted to talk about Doggett. Maybe I don't need to."

Doggett and Mulder looked at each other, then turned back to Scully.
"We've declared a truce," Mulder said.

"We had a night of bonding," Doggett explained.

"Very manly."

"We drank."

"We watched bad action movies."

"We talked about death."

"We sang show tunes."

Scully smiled. "Well...I'm glad you're talking in any case."

"Hey," Mulder said. "You shouldn't be up. You should be getting rest."

"Yes. I should. But, first, I better take you home." Scully turned to
Doggett. "Is it all right Mulder leaves his car here for the night?"

Doggett grinned. "Anything for my pal."

"You sentimental bastard," Mulder said and the two men laughed.

"Okay, then," Scully said, then extended a hand to Mulder.

"I'm all right. I can walk." To demonstrate this, Mulder stood up and
walked some reasonably steady steps. However, he did allow Scully to
guide him towards the front door. Just as they were about to pass
Doggett, Mulder stopped and faced the agent.

"Always remember one thing, John-Boy," Mulder told him.

"What's that?"

Tapping his finger on Doggett's chest, Mulder said, "People who need
people...are the luckiest people of all."

Doggett nodded. "Amen."

"Come on, Mulder," Scully said. "Good night, Agent Doggett."

"Fight the frickin' future!" Mulder declared as Scully pushed him out
the door.

"Semper Fi," Doggett muttered. He pressed his face against the wall.
After he heard the door close and a car drive away, he wondered if it
was possible to sleep in this standing position.

Much to his surprise, he did.

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