TITLE: Skeptical Scully and the Simple Solution
AUTHOR: Abra Elliott
CATEGORY: MSR; fluff-o-rama
DESCRIPTION: A fractured fairytale, Mulder-style.
RATING: PG-13
SPOILERS: Everything through Existence (this is the closest
I'm coming to the world of babyfic, I promise)
FEEDBACK: Procrastination *lives* on feedback at
xilerui@hotmail.com
DISCLAIMER: I have no illusions about who the father of
*this* baby is...
NOTES: This is the most seriously inconsequential piece of
fluff I've ever written.  Just so you know.
If you've never read "The Diamond D and the Dreadful Dragon,"
the story that inspired this little bit of silliness, you're
missing out on something good.

*****

Once upon a time...

*****

"Mulder, what are you doing?"

"I wrote a story today."

"He's only six months old, Mulder."

"Are you going to let me continue?"

*****

Once upon a time, in a solitary cell sequestered deep in the
subterranean recesses of a sinister citadel, there lived a
serious swain named Sad Spooky, whose only source of
satisfaction was studying strange sightings and similar
situations.  One day -

*****

"You have *got* to be joking."

"Just listen to the story, Scully.  It gets better."

"It would kind of have to..."

"Simpleton."

*****

One day, while Sad Spooky sat silently in his solitary cell,
staring at secret slides, a svelte scientist stopped by and
spoke a sweet salutation.

"Hello, Sad Spooky," she said.  "I'm Scientist Scully, and I
think you're sort-of silly."

"Why is that, Scientist Scully?" said Sad Spooky, soberly.

Scientist Scully smiled and said, "Since all you do is search
for strange stuff, and I know such stuff simply isn't
substantial."

Sad Spooky scowled and said, "See here, Skeptical Scully -"

*****

"*Skeptical* Scully, Mulder?"

"What?  Am I wrong?"

*****

"See here, Skeptical Scully," said Sad Spooky.  "I can
substantiate my singular studies for you, and you won't
surmise that I'm silly anymore."

Saying that, Sad Spooky seized Skeptical Scully's slender
hand and squired her away from the sinister citadel.  Sad
Spooky sauntered, while Skeptical Scully scurried -

*****

*scowl*

*****

- and together they scoured cities, cemeteries, and similarly
strange spheres for any sign that Sad Spooky wasn't seriously
insane.  But, although our sad swain sometimes saw some
surprisingly startling sights, Skeptical Scully never did.
After several years of searching, she still supposed Sad
Spooky to be a silly soul.

Meanwhile, Sad Spooky had started to see that Skeptical
Scully was a superlatively sexy senorita -

*****

"Mulder!"

"What?  He's only six months old - he doesn't even
understand."

"Then why did you write him a story?"

"Who said it's for him?"

*sigh*

"Senorita, Mulder?"

"Can you think of something better?"

"I can think of *one* thing..."

*****

*So*.  Sad Spooky had started to see that Skeptical Scully
was a superlatively sexy senorita, but she never seemed to
sense the subtle shift in his sensibilities.  She
subconsciously seduced him with sensuous shoes, silky skirts,
and sublime scents, and Sad Spooky started to see that he
would have to show Skeptical Scully how serious his feelings
were, before his cerebrum snapped.

So one sunny day, while Sad Spooky and Skeptical Scully sat
sipping sodas and snacking on sandwiches, Sad Spooky turned
to her and said shakily, "Say, Skeptical Scully, we seldom
share our secrets with each other..." Skeptical Scully seemed
suddenly shy, and she shifted sideways in her seat.

"That's true, Sad Spooky," she said softly.  "Shall we?"

Sad Spooky sniffed and said, "Sure.  Starting with you."

Skeptical Scully stared at Sad Spooky for several seconds.
Then she slowly said, "I'm suffering from a serious
situation."

Sad Spooky was scared, but Skeptical Scully smiled and said,
"Not so serious.  I seem to have stopped thinking you're so
silly, Sad Spooky."

Sad Spooky stared at sweet Skeptical Scully.

"And I don't think you're so Skeptical, Scully."

Skeptical Scully smiled again, saying, "So, what do you think
I am, Sad Spooky?"

Sad Spooky self-consciously spoke, a shy blush stealing over
his face.  "I think you're sublimely sweet...scandalously
sexy...seriously seductive..."

Sweet Scully sighed, "Silly Sad Spooky.  I wish I'd seen your
feelings sooner.  I felt the same..."

Sad Spooky snuggled closer.  "Then what shall we do?" he
said.

Sweet Skeptical Scully shrugged and said, "The solution is
simple.  Stay with me."

And so he did.

*****

"Stupid, but sweet."

"See?  Told you it got better."

"I didn't say 'better'."

*****

And they had spectacular sex.

*****

"Stop while you're ahead."

"Sorry."

*****

And he sired a son.

*****

"I mean it."

*****

But he still studied strange stuff, and, then, so did she.

*****

"The superlative sex will soon cease if you don't silence
yourself, Mulder."

"Stingy."

"Shut up and kiss me, Spooky."

*****

~finis~